Boys just don't like me.

So I've just found out that the guy I have a crush on just likes me as a friend. Deep down I knew he didn't feel that strongly about me. But it still hurts. I let part of me get my hopes up. I let a little piece of me hold on to that hope that he might just like me back. I really fell for this guy, and now I'm wishing I wouldn't have let myself fall so hard. I wasn't prepared for how much the drop was gonna hurt. Sure, I'll get over it and move on. I always do. I'm used to disappointment. I just feel really lonely right now. So many of my friends are in relationships and to be honest, I am so jealous. I want that feeling you get when you're with that person you care so much about. And I'm tired of being told that it's going to happen for me, because you know, it isn't happening. Majority of guys around are just not worth it. They're trash, scum and whores. Either cheating on their boyfriends or looking for the latest hook up. I want a real genuine guy. And at this rate, it looks like I'll never find him.

It's like I'm on house arrest...

So far my summer has been mighty boring. I've been stuck at home doing absolutely nothing. Work is giving me no hours, I'm barely working 10 hours a week. I don't have a car to drive right now. It's like I'm on house arrest! Maybe I'm just a really boring person. I'm just hoping this isn't a sign of things to come for the rest of my summer.

On a positive note! I went to the movies with a really cool guy last night. I had such a blast. Not to mention he's super adorable and I'm mad crushing on him... What sucks the most is I can't read him. I have no idea if he likes me or not! Oh well, I'm just gonna be myself and let whatever happens happen.

P.S. I'm totally gonna start working out again this summer. My goal is to get a body like this hottie. Haha

And now the fun begins

Ahh, so it's been a while since my last post. I was very busy with the last couple weeks of school I didn't have much time for any blogging. But now I'm done with school for the summer, I've passed all my classes and it's time for the fun to begin! I don't really have much planned for the summer as of yet, other than to just have fun. I did have a friend suggest to me that I make goals for the summer and right now that doesn't sound like a bad idea. So here are some goals for my summer.

Goals of Summer '09
1. Find a summer romance.
2. Go on an adventure.
3. Discover something new about myself.
4. Write a book.

So I know that's a pretty short list, but it's all I've got right now. I'll definitely be coming back and adding more when I come up with some. So until then, enjoy your summer!

You've just got to keep moving.

I was being driven to my car after hanging out with some friends after classes today. It was early, around one in the morning. It was just my friend and I driving along the road back to campus. As we were driving we spotted something moving slowly across the street up ahead. As we drew closer we discovered it was a goose who must have been hit by a vehicle or attacked or something. It was dragging along it's right wing which looked severely broken. And as I watched this poor animal slowly move itself to the safety of the sidewalk, it's broken wing dragging along at it's side, I felt a mixture of two things. Sorrow and strength. I felt a surge of pity rush through my body. But as we drove away I thought to myself, this creature is probably feeling so much pain, and yet it's not giving up, it's continuing to move along. Sure, I don't know what became of that goose, but what I do know was in that instant I knew I could move along as well.

A major decision

I think I'm finally going to declare a major.

Bachelor of Fine Arts with a concentration in Photography and minor in Theater.

I'm pumpeddddd.

Happy Easter

Easter is almost over and what a day it was. My mother really wanted me to go to church with her and because I knew it meant a lot to her I decided to go. I can't remember the last time I attended church. I honestly think the last time I went was for my brother's confirmation which was a little under a year ago. And that was the first time in a long time too. I used to go to church when I was younger. I even think I enjoyed it. It's just now that I've grown up and when I knew I was gay, my relationship with God seemed to weaken. I don't feel like I belong in church. Like I shouldn't be there. Which I know is not true because I know that God loves me no matter what. I still cant help it though. I miss feeling close to God.

As for the rest of my Easter Sunday, I spent the day at my aunt's house with my mom's side of the family. It's insane to me how much I've grown up. It seems like just yesterday it was my cousins and I who were the ones getting the Easter baskets and hunting for eggs. But now we've actually got some little ones in the family, and my cousins and I are no longer the little kids in the family. We're the ones hiding the eggs now. It's fun though, watching the little ones run around like mad trying to find eggs.

All in all, it was a good day. I'm gonna end it with some Daniel Craig in Quantum of Solace!

(yes, I know the image is from Casino Royale, but it's a hot pic! :P )

I was bored once...

So I'm sitting on campus completely bored out of my mind. Figured I might as well update my bloggg. I've got Sociology in about 45 minutes and I'm debating on whether or not I really wanna go or just skip it and go to the mall instead. I'm thinking the latter. I'm pretty stoke for Saturday to get here. I don't have my Design Fundamentals class so instead I'll be spending my day watching the first three season of Beast Wars with my friend. I'm totally having a nerdgasm just thinking about it! :D